Parents Supported for Not Wanting to Pay for Wedding

A mother has won the support of the internet after expressing that she does not want to pay for her daughter’s upcoming wedding in a viral post that garnered 300 responses.

Taking to the popular forum on Mumsnet “Am I Being Unreasonable,” the user WhereDidTheYearsGo posed her question of whether she was wrong for not paying for her daughter’s wedding. Readers shared that the poster was not wrong for not wanting to pay for the entire wedding, though some suggested making a contribution.

According to The Knot, the bride and her family traditionally covered many of the wedding costs, including the floral arrangements for the ceremony, professional services for the reception and transportation of the wedding party.

Wedding Cake Cutting Family
A Mumsnet user asked if she was unreasonable for not wanting to pay for her daughter’s wedding. Here, a stock image of a couple cutting their wedding cake while they are surrounded by family.

In recent years, however, the outlet reported that couples take on many of the wedding costs themselves. Those who are looking to “modernize wedding payment traditions” are encouraged to think about their priorities, be realistic about what they can afford and reach out to family for additional help if that is an option.

“Given that wedding payment traditions indicate family members usually help cover costs for the wedding, consider asking your parents or future in-laws if they can financially contribute,” the piece stated.

Landis Bejar, the founder of the wedding therapy practice AisleTalk, told The Knot that couples who are looking for financial support from their families should ask sooner rather than later.

“Instead of assuming your family will follow the traditional wedding budget breakdown, try asking if they’d like to cover specific costs, or if they are willing to contribute a lump sum to be used at your discretion,” the piece stated.

In her post, WhereDidTheYearsGo wrote that her daughter recently got engaged to her boyfriend of 12 years, noting that they are both in their 30s, work and have lived together for a few years.

WhereDidTheYearsGo and her husband have retired, and while they still go on vacations, she said they don’t have the same lifestyle they once had.

“We happily paid for private education and private healthcare and plenty more for all our children and were happy to do so but [am I being unreasonable] to think that by now we’ve done our bit and our daughter should pay for her own wedding?” she asked.

It was not specified whether WhereDidTheYearsGo’s daughter expected her parents to pay for the entire wedding.

The post garnered support from readers, many of whom said they would not have asked for money for their own weddings.

“I got married a few years ago and wouldn’t ever have expected my family to put money toward it, I chose to get married so I should pay,” one commenter wrote.

“Of course they should pay for their own wedding,” another comment read. “Is your daughter expecting you to pay? If so she’s being utterly unreasonable.”

Others said WhereDidTheYearsGo may consider making a contribution to the wedding.

“I think you should think what you can do for all of your children, and plan to make the same [monetary] contribution to each,” a commenter wrote. “The days of [the bride’s] parents paying for everything are gone, and I assume y our daughter is not expecting that you would.”

One suggested that WhereDidTheYearsGo may pay for her daughter’s wedding dress, while another opined that the poster and her husband can pay for invitations and postage, the cake or centerpieces.

“Whatever you do, it just needs to be fair amongst all your children,” a commenter opined.

Other posts on Mumsnet have gone viral and sparked a discussion among commenters.

A Mumsnet user wrote a post about her frustration after learning her mother-in-law cleaned her bathroom without telling her. Another user shared that she did not want to attend a wedding for her partner’s family member.

One woman wrote a post on Mumsnet about her partner who asked her to limit the time spent with her stepdaughter from a previous relationship.